Finding reason, finding belonging
Posted: Sep 28, 2025, 15:49I’ve been around in the Free and Open Source world for over 20 years now, initially as a user but largely as a hacker. Since I started making money using (and growing) my technical skills, it never once occurred to me that I’d be doing anything other than writing FOS software. Which is why over the years as I grew up the Engineer Value Stack* in my career, I started shedding some things that once used to give my joy. With that train of thought, I almost did not go to the 2025 GNU Tools Cauldron that just concluded in Porto today.
Dear reader, if you’re expecting a review of all of the technically awesome things that happened at Cauldron this weekend, stop reading and wait a couple of days. Jonathan Corbett was there so I assume he will have something interesting to write in that space. Go watch the LWN feed and maybe even buy a subscription if you haven’t already.
So yeah, I almost decided to not go to Porto for Cauldron, because for the past year or so, I didn’t feel like I did anything of consequence in the GNU toolchain community. Sitting alone in my basement in Waterloo, I had already concluded to myself that nobody would miss that I wasn’t there. Things would go on as usual. I had already forgotten whatever work I had done over the last years; they didn’t feel valuable enough. I had concluded that I was mostly a glorified Jira wrangler (the modern equivalent of the “paper pusher” slur one could use to denigrate anybody who doesn’t do Real Work™) and I wasn’t needed.
I did fly in the end, and arrived at a hot (OK, 24C, but I’m practically Canadian now so forgive me) Porto, still unsure why I was there. To try and brush off the fatigue, I walked with Carlos (there’s nothing like a loud, always driven Argentinian man to lift your spirits) to FEUP, ending our day downtown meeting many of the attendees, many friends.
That seemed like a great day, and a great evening. But still, was it worth flying the 7 hours? I wasn’t sure. Anyway, that’s one down, 3 more days to go.
Cut to Sunday night, I’m now wondering where those 3 days went in a blur, and wondering what washed away those doubts I had coming in.
Maybe it was the wonderful Belgian beer we had on Friday night. Or was it because I was with old friends and new, talking about everything under the sun?
Maybe it was the chilled Londrina house beer that stayed ice cold to the last drop. Or was it the joy of finding a shared love for working with wood with a colleague who I had only occasionally chatted over the intertubes all these years?
Maybe it was the Francesinha, a sinfully tasty but likely just as unhealthy Portuguese dish. Or was it the colleague who suggested the dish, who also had welcomed me earlier, genuinely and warmly, saying “here comes the great Sid!” instantly making me feel like I matter?
Maybe it was the wonderful port wine and fancy 3 course meal we had at Taylor’s. Or was it the intimate conversations I had with some new friends and old about our failures and insecurities, and how they shaped us?
Maybe it is the wonderful catering Cupertino and folks arranged for our lunches at Cauldron. Or was it the new connections I made with people I looked at with admiration across the hall all these years but never had the courage to walk across and introduce myself?
Was it the fact that all of the most amazing leaders in the GNU tools ecosystem were there? Or was it the relief at seeing an old friend and mentor (I don’t know if he knows how much my interactions with him meant to me) safe and doing well? Or, in fact, was it the realization of how much I owe it to pretty much every person who has been coming to Cauldron regularly, probably with their own personal reasons, but leaving their own, indelible impression on me as a person? Or, of course, the annual JL (if you know you know) therapy session?
Maybe it was the fantastic surprise musical performance by a group of school kids, which reminded me of my kiddo back home. OK maybe that one actually had me longing to return home soon.
Anyway, the material experiences tend to get washed away days after I return from these experiences, but the personal and emotional ones are not permanent either. They’ve shaped me and made me the person I am, but months later, I know I will have forgotten why I loved being here, with my friends, people with whom I share my commitment to Free and Open Source Software. I’m writing this with the hope that I’ll come back here to remind myself of why it matters, to remind myself that I belong, to be grateful to all of those people who made me feel like I belong.
If you were here the first time, note that I’ve been here for over 13 years now, and you belong, just as I do.
* Engineer Value Stack: A hierarchy that companies tend to have in their engineering organizations based on an engineer’s ability to effectively communicate their ideas and work with their peers, as opposed to the superiority of their technical skills, which in itself is also a nebulous concept that only serves to promote a deep impostor syndrome among most competent developers.